Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled? A: because if they were small white and smooth, they'd be asprins

I slept in this morning until 11:00am. I am such a slacker. I suppose i have a good enough excuse. Toni said she did something to Joe that she can't say, because it's some sort of surprise. I'm wondering if she shaved his head. then we'd get to see how big a violinists head REALLY is! Ha! Just kidding. we know we all need violinists in the orchestra. who else would we make fun of?

I think my cat is going to die. He has stopped eating, and howls constantly. My dad bought some special cat food and medicine, but he's still not eating very much. But it's ok. Death never bothered me that much. and I've had this cat my entire life, so I guess he deserves a break.

Poo. The viola identical to mine on ebay I'm bidding for, sold for $194 buckeroos. My max bid is $50. oh well, there are three more just like it, and no one has upped my bid since yesterday. hopefully I win. It's such a pretty viola!

My stupid neighbors(except you Tony) mow their lawn early in the morning before the rest of the world is awake. especially on saturdays. he even built a dog house a while ago, hammer saw and all, and woke up my whole family. can you say ANNOYING! I must go beat him with a wet noodle.

Michael just gave me Harry potter 3, shrek 2, and Hidalgo. he makes them into CD's off the internet, watches them, and gives them away. he's going to get caught one of these days, but for now, I'm enjoying the benefits. bwa ha ha.

This is for Michelle and Toni. since joe has such easy finals, this wouldn't apply to him. Keep in mind these finals while taking your own. It should make you feel a teeny bit better. Be glad yours are so easy.

Final Examination
Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.
Computer Science
Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.
Electrical Engineering
You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
History
Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
Medicine
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until you work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
Public Speaking
2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Biology
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System. Prove your thesis.
Music
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
Sociology
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
Mechanical Engineering
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision.
Civil Engineering
This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.
Chemistry
You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. (We feel this will give you an incentive to find the correct answer.)
Economics
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
Political Science
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.
Sociology
Estimate the sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
Epistemology
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand.
Mathematics
Derive the Euler-Cauchy equations using only a straightedge and compass. Discuss in detail the role these equations had on mathematical analysis in Europe during the 1800s.
Religion
Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.
Metaphysics
Describe in detail the probably nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis.
Art
Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.
General Knowledge
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
Extra Credit
Define the universe, and give three examples.

Aren't you luck your finals are so easy? well, must be off to change the world. Tootles.

Bec