Sunday, February 27, 2005

She walked into my office, like a centipede with 98 missing legs

Here I am, sitting at my computer, eating semi-sweet chocolate chips, pondering my life. I just finished reading all of Toni's blogs. I felt like I was catching up with her. It's amazing how well she expresses her feelings and thoughts in a poetic, story-telling-like way. she'd be a very good Yoga teacher I think. she definately could calm me down.
Today I thought I'd fast to clear out my mind and body. Ha! I lasted about 2:00pm and then had a burrito. It never ceases to amaze me what lack of willpower I have. Willpower? What's that? I did't mention in my previous post about how mad I was. My dad wouldn't let me drive to Orem to see Joe's and Michelle's concert. I mean, it wasn't just the concert, but to see two of my close friends after not seeing them forever. And after reading Michelle's blog, I felt bad I wasn't there because of how nervous she was.
I just want to move out and go to school. I know the FAFSA would probably get me there, but my dad won't even help me fill it out with all the tax and income info. Everyday when he gets home he gruels me about not having a job, not going to school, not auditioning for more scholarships, wasting my time sitting at home, and a million other things. My mom just says go to institute and always be busy and she's fine. Life is sooooooo frustrating!!!!! I wish I could meet someone, fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. That's one of the reasons I've been trying to lose weight lately. I took a good look at myself in the mirror, and thought, Who would want this? Everyone says it's on the inside that counts. yaaaaaaa riiiiiiight. I don't even care if I'm single the rest of my life, I would rather be happy with who I am, inside AND out. I know I can look great too. I'm freakin' 5'11''! some girls would kill to be that tall. It's the average height of most world renowned supermodels. My face is decent looking, makeup helps, and I know how to make my hair look great. I guess I have good sense of fashion too. It's just the 2 inch layer of chubb covering my body that's the problem. It all goes back to the stupid willpower thing again. I can't stick to staying active, food tastes too good, and the thoughts of past failures aren't exactly encouraging.
Today I carried a 40lb. bag of cat litter up two flights of stairs. It was flippin' heavy! I can't believe that I have more than that not needed weight on my body, that I carry around everyday. Why couldn't I be born with a fast motabolism? curse you genetics.
Do you ever listen to music that you've heard a million times, and this certain time, the words apply to you, and you feel like bawling your eyes out? Josh Groban's song "Let Me Fall" just hits the spot right now.
Maybe if I had a major get-together with a lot of my friends who I hadn't seen for a while(reunion) I could have that as my motivation to surprise them all. I already know a ton of my friends have changed a lot already. I haven't seen some of my closest friends since graduation. I know Angela is getting married in like two weeks, and I haven't even recieved an invitation. I was pretty much best friends with her since Jr. High. I only see Jocelyn at institute, and it's like we don't even know eachother. We were inseperable Jr. and Sr. year. Her and Kristi did a million things together since graduation, and didn't call me once. Michelle, Tony, and Bec are pretty much the only ones who keep in touch, and seem like they don't want to lose touch. I feel like crying and punching someone at the same time. It seems since I was near then, they figured to just use me and then drop me when it was convenient.
I need to stop talking about that. It makes me too depressed and sad. I think I'll go to bed soon, and wake up early and exercise. I'm too sad to write anymore tonight. Goodnight anyone who cares.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Anyone who can only think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

Yesterday my mom and I planted grass seed along the front stip of our house. Today we woke up feeling like jelly. Digging, planting, raking, tilling, and things of that nature tend to take a toll on your limbs. And all of that for some dumb weed that has been accepted into our culture as a necessity for homes to look decent in society. Ok, I'll get off my soap box.
Tonight is our ward's bishopbric( iss thaat how yu spel thatt?) devotional. We are supposed to come fasting, and they will pass the sacrement and then have a light meal. My guess is they will serve us a dry salad with water. Yum. This year I get to go because I am 18. The older you get in life, the more is forced upon you by the world. Stupid world.
Today my sister came home from school ranting and raving. Actually, she was wailing and had gnashing of teeth. I asked her if she wanted to help me in the garden today, and she told me to shut up and stop bothering her. I guess I shouldn't have spit in her cereal this morning.
Our house is so wierd right now because it's empty. Michael lives in the dungeon down stairs and plays computer all day. Michelle and Randy are in foreign countries for another year on their missions. So during the day, It's my mom and me alone with the cats and Toby. I'm used to having seven people around. I guess I'm just not used to it yet.
Well, I need to go work in the garden more before the sun goes down. Talk to Y'all later

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

I went to a general store, they wouldn't let me buy anything specifically Go to this website to see the kind people my oldest brother Michael hangs out with.
I rearranged part of my room. It gives you kind of a refreshing feeling. Like having a new room, or a bath or something along those lines. Ah, Monday. or as most abnormal families call it, "Family Night". Tonight we are going to Subway, and then watching an inspirational movie. Today felt like Saturday because the whole family was home. I slept in until noon. Crazy huh?
Idaho was okay I guess. It was bright and sunny here in Utah, so I figured,"hey, why not wear some good ol' flip flops?" then we arrive to the land of potatoes and their is a blizzard going on. Anyway, we took my grandparents out to eat at a resturaunt called Jonny Be Good. The food was average, but they played oldies and cool signs all over the walls. Kind of Retro looking. We just watched shark tale. Is it just me, or was it about a bunch of black gangster rapping fish, who are helping a gay shark find himself? Just a thought. My dad got me a new computer keyboard today. the keys on this one get stuck all the time. I also gave my cat Jack a bath. that was an experience. I need to go to bed. I am waking up pretty early tomorrow. Goodnight people of the world.

Friday, February 18, 2005

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Just wondering, who is Toners? someone left a comment, and I was wondering if I knew them. And I couldn't view their blog. Anywho, Yeeehaw! today is friday! the night where my parents go on a date and leave the house to my sister and I to partay! Actually, all we do is watch TV and eat ice cream. This is a story I read from a blog about a first time dad. It made me crack up, so you should read it. The title is Adventures in Babysitting

"This title is a misnomer. You really can't babysit your own child.It's fascinating to see my newborn learn about her world. Right now, she may not understand the concepts of "Mommy" and "Daddy, " but here's what I think she's learned:My wife is the Lifegiver, the Provider of Sustenance, and the Gatekeeper of the World that Was Before and this New World. The Lifegiver is always there and is warm, safe, and steady.I don't think she knows what to make of me.So far, I am the Useless One. The Useless One appears significantly less than the Lifegiver. He may, in fact, live in another place entirely, because he never seems to be around in the middle of the night. The Useless One is nervous and anxious most of the time.Anyway, my wife hadn't been away from the baby since I brought her home from the hospital and was starting to get that wild-eyed look like Jack Nicholson had in the third act of "The Shining." On Saturday, I suggested that she get out of the house alone for a few hours. I would watch the baby and get some bonding time.At first, everything was fine. She slept for the first couple of hours and I watched football.Then I heard her cry and immediately ran to her room.I checked her diaper. This was my first experience with a "poopy diaper," but it seemed manageable. I loosened her diaper, got another one ready, along with wipes. Once I removed the diaper,though, all Hell broke loose.I guess when the dirty diaper came off, she felt so relaxed that she continued to go. And go. And go. She must have eliminated about 60% of her body weight in waste. It got all over everything.I started to panic. The baby wipes weren't much help and the changing paid was now slick with poop. I reached out for anything absorbent- her sleeper, a burping cloth, a hand towel, anything.My dog got nervous and left the room.My daughter became frustrated and started to wail. I've read that parents learn to distinguish what is wrong with their baby by his or her particular cry. Well, she turned bright red, shook her tiny clenched fists by her head and let out a cry that I interpreted this way:"What is wrong with you? Do you even know what you're doing? Where is the Lifegiver? I can't believe you're my Dad! You don't know how to do anything! When I get older, I'm going to date professional athletes!"Meanwhile, she's rolling around in her own filth. I just know that my wife is going to return at any time and I will never be trusted to watch my child alone again.Eventually, I calmed myself and got everything under control. I bathed her, changed her clothes, and gathered the soiled laundry in a heap.I heard keys in the door downstairs. My dog ran to my wife to tell on me.By then, at least a semblance of order had been restored. The time away had clearly done my wife good. She picked up the baby and kissed her, happy to see that she was still safe and sound.I managed to distract her from noticing the small amount of poop that was the baby's right ear.I told my wife that everything went well, but that she really shouldn't go up to the nursery. Of course, that only made her curious, so up she went.To her credit, she didn't freak out or anything. She just calmly asked from the top of the stairway, "What happened to the curtains?"

I couldn't stop laughing from that one. I didn't have much to say today, so that's why I posted that story. I might write later tonight, but for now I will say goodbye.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

If the king loves music, their is little wrong in the land.

Today Tony and I went to see Mr. Ness, our former orchestra teacher. Apparently, he didn't have a full blown heart attack. Just a mini heart problem. The doctors said one of the tubes in his heart was 98% clogged. Scary. Anyway, he's on medication and a special diet(even though he was eating valentine's chocolates while we were there) and seems to be doing fine. Susie( Tony's sister) brought her two month old Zach along to show Ness. He's a cutie. I was reading through Shell's blogs today.
I really want to go to college, but the Pell grant won't cover everything. My dad won't let me get a loan either. So I started filling out scholarship applications online. It sounds like Michelle is having a blast at UVSC. I just want to move out and get my life moving. Lately I've just been sick of my family. It might have something to do with my PMS streak, but I still want to move out and go to school. I actually miss doing homework and sitting in a clasroom. Most of all I miss having orchestra. Since I'm not in Utah youth anymore, the only playing time I get is when I go to Matheson and help out the 7th grade violas who don't have a clue of what to do.
Institute is a relief to my world though. After having seminary every other day in high school, then graduating and having nothing, is kind of a shock to the system. I have a hilarious taecher, and I learn a ton in the class. New testament isn't my fav subject, but I'm learning to love it.
My sister is sitting next to me and wants to use my computer for homework. she is driving me nuts. My parents want to go to Idaho to visit my grandparents. We aren't exactly close to them , and I'm not that excited about going. Oh well. I think I'll go practice or exercise to relieve some stress. I've been wacked out lately. Please leave comments to keep me company!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

thought all you music lovers would enjoy this Posted by Hello

All music is folk music. I've never heard a horse sing a song.

I just finished settting up an account on my computer for my younger sister Rachel whom I lovingly call stinky, as she calls me Bucka. She also has a blog website. It's My sister is very weird. So some of her blogs should be interesting. It's like she came right out of the book Series of unfortunate events. She likes junk art and weird clothes too. Any way, my dear friend Shell has finally recieved a letter(e-mail) from her fiance. Well, ok she's not engaged. You should see her blog for today though. She wasn't excited one bit. (Insert: sarcasm tone) Today I made pancakes for breakfast. It has been a very long time since I actually ate something, let alone cooked something for breakfast.
Sorry for any people of the male gender reading this next section, but I feel like writing it. All this week I have been on a PMS rollercoaster the past week. My mom told me to do the dishes, and I felt like blowing her up. I even went to bed at nine because I was so frustrated. It's been three months since my last "time off the month" I guess I get all the hormones and emotions, but not the actual thing. Ok men, you can start reading again, I'm finished with that subject.
I need to go exercise and practice my viola, so until tomorrow!

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

I'm Baaaaaack!

My internet works! After two weeks of using my dad's laptop with only a dial up connection, I have my computer with Cable connection! Everyone says it, but it is so true: You don't realize how much you love something/someone until it's gone. I also found out today that my old orchestra teacher, aka: cuz, had a heart attack! that is so scary! The really creepy thing is that my old orchestra teacher from Jr. High also had a heart attack the year after I left. I guess they just miss me so muuch that their hearts couldn't take it. (ha)
Well, today is Valentine's day. Tthe day where I feel like a loser in tthe world along with all the other single people out there. My friend Michelle calls it singles awareness day. You can say that again. I started a third of my seeds indoors today for my garden. After about three years of gardening, I've decided I like flowers more than vegetables. I don't know why. They smell good and are petty. oops, Pretty. I'm still going to plant tomatoes though. Can't live without them. Even though they give me heartburn.
I practiced my viola today with my little sister Rachel. It's been a while since I practiced. The cool thing is, my vibrato has really improved. It's much wider and slower than it used to be. YYay!
Angela and Andrea are getting married in a month. I can't believe it! People my age are getting married! I remember when I was finally old enough to date! I can't believe how fast Life has been passing me by the past three years. I'm sure many of my friends reading this feel the same way.
Speaking of time going by, It's 1am! I really need to go to bed Good night world!

Sunday, February 13, 2005

a moose once bit my sister.

I somehow managed to delete an entire blog without meaning it. AAAAAAAAAAAHH! So frustrating! I just finished reading Michelle B.'s blogs. My internet hasn't been working for a while, so I'll catch up a bit. Randy(my brother on a mission in Germany and Austria) sent home some pictures. He is so thin! and he looks all grown up and mature. My whole family is at church right now while I sit at home and watch BYU devotionals and lawrence welk. do you know why I'm home? because the only two skirts I own have managed to walk off on their own. And since I'm not bold enough to go to church with pants on, I get to sit at home. I haven't given my blog address to anyone yet, so I think I'll write an e-mail to Michelle and Joe. Don't pet a burning dog!