Monday, March 14, 2005

If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?" "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.

The only reason I'm writing in my blog today is because I'm bored.I did a ton of job searhing today, and so far only one interview. But the job pays $525 a week, so hopefully I get it. Today my family has been frustrating me to the point of implosion. meaning my head imploads fisrt because of mental stress, and then therest of my body has nothing else to do, so it imploads too. Some days I wonder why in the pre-existence did I choose this family? Beats me.
Another day has passed where I gave into temptation. I made and fully consumed three entire batches of fries. They were heavenly in taste, but evil in fat and calorie. I have two food weaknesses. French fries, hot cheetos, and gushers. yes, I know that was three, I remembered that i can't survive without gushers. Do you know how long it's been since I've had gushers? Months at least. To anyone who is dying to know what I want for my b-day, get me Gushers. I'll love you till the day i die, and ever after. Just not the sour ones, they're wierd.
okay, enough about my physical desires. Isn't it funny how I prefer gushers more than physical intimacy? My parents have created a monster.
I complained about having no eyes until I saw a man with no glasses.
Just thought I'd get that out of my system.
I never realized how much stuff I own. I have TON! But it seems i can't function without all of it. I don't use my sewing machine often, but I still use it. I have a lot of nylons that I never wear, but you never know when someone will be in desperate need of nylons. Take Joe for instance, I bet he never thought he would wear nylons in his entire life, but just last year he wore them for about a month. you just never know!
I was wondering today:what is the purpose of earwax? I seriously don't understand why our bodies produce wax. All of our other bodily functions that produce a substance have a purpose, except our ears.Maybe it's to gross out others, or just one of those unsolved mysteries of the human body. Like why Our big toe has to be bigger than the other four, or why we have two nostrils, what's wrong with one?
I heard a theory the other day that I rather enjoyed. It was called the inflationary language. see, when the country is going trough inflation, prices go up. anything to do with money goes up, except the actual numbers. The presenter gave an example with the following story. We didn't know it, but there are hidden numbers in our language. such as:"one"derful, be"four", cre"eight", and "ten"derly. If the numbers went up with inflation, they would be as follows: wonderful, would be twoterful. Before would be befive, Create-crenine, tenderly elevenderly. To further the explanation the speaker told this story.

Twice upon a time, there lived in sunny califivenia, a young man named Bob. He was a commander in the U.S. airfiveses. He was very proud of the fact that two of his fivefathers had been among the creninders of the U.S. constithreetion. He sat one evening with his one and a half sister anna, talking of her ex-husband. He said,"you look twotiful threenight. You've never looked that lovely befive.But you have three of the saddest eyes i have ever seen." the table was beautifully decornineded with anna's favorite flower, threelips. all while an english elevenor sang,"Tea for three".
It was midnight. A clock in the distance struck thirteen. Suddenly in the moonlight stood anna's ex husband, Dontwo, obviously intoxinineded. "Anna," he blurted,"Fivegive me! I am only young twice! and you are my two and only!" Bob jumped to his feet,"Get out of here you three faced triple crosser!" Anna warned,"careful Dontwo, he's an officer." Dontwo retorted,"Yes, he's two, but I'm two three!"
"Alright," said Dontwo,as he wiped his fivehead,"I guess I'll be living the rest of my life double! Fare well anna, threetaloo, threetaloo.
And so on and so fifth.

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