Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Nemesis


Get ready for an emo, dark, nonsensical "is-Becca-on-crack?" kind of post. Feel free to wait until the normal me comes back for posting next week.

I bought Chocolate cookies today. CHOCOLATE cookies.

Last night I ate 1 cup of semisweet chocolate chips.

"I think We have a problem Houston. She's eating chocolate. Voluntarily AND repeatedly. Better get some reinforcements down there quick"

My mind is racing, my heart is thumping out of my chest like the time I don't want to remember.

A medicinal induced coma would be ideal right now. Then time would stand still and I wouldn't have to think. I want so many things, my way, NOW. Why can't my timing be in sync with God's? Why can't decisions be made for me? But then I'd just complain about it that way too.

I've butchered things up in life for myself that will always leave a scar and a memory to go with it. No matter how much Neosporin I put on them.

There is no moral, there is no point to all this. I'm just too lazy to pull out my depression journal. It's small, black and I only write in it a couple times a year.

In blood.

Right. That's just gross.

Anyway.

Ok, the crazies are coming out and the public is getting wind of the breakdown that's on it's way.

Time to hide under my covers and sleep away the crazies.

-B

2 Comment(s):

Toners said...

I'm sorry things are so crappy for you right now. I know you have been through so much in the past couple years, and I am amazed at the strong confident woman I see in you. You have become, and are becoming, the woman you're destined to be.

Though you only see the immediate path, and not where it's leading, believe it's leading where you need to be... and where you'll want to be.

Stop, look back, see where you've come from, see the progress you've made. Take a deep breath and know you're still moving forward.

I really hope things look up for you. You deserve the best.

Shell and Brian said...

Thank you Becca. You made me feel a million times better. ;) I hope you are happier too.