Sunday, September 13, 2009

My mind? What mind? I lost that years ago.

What a week.

It had it's highs (boy did it) and it's lows (you would not believe it)

Let's just say it's been a test of everything I'm made out of.

I had orchestra at SLCC on Tuesday, which was amazing. The music is great, I sight read like no other and had so much fun. I can't express how much I love music, and being able to play such awesome stuff in a full orchestra. It effects me like absolutely nothing else in life. I finally convinced Rachel to come with me too, and she did great. Way better than I thought she would. I know that music will always be a MAJOR part of my life that brings happiness.

Enter Wednesday. Two phrases that DO NOT combine well in any universe are: 1. Late date & 2. MY MOTHER. I went on a date. It was later than we thought because we watched a movie. I'm 23, does that count for anything? My trust, my past choices, my maturity? No. Enter exploding mother of darkness about to chain me to the wall. My mother people. MY mother. Words can't describe my mother and her reactions to my life choices, good or bad.

Let's just say I've had a LOT to think about this week. I've had highs and lows of emotion that I didn't think were physically possible for me. It's stretched my mind beyond it's bounds, it's thinned my patience beyond reason, I've been so mad I could drown a puppy, I've been so happy I could die (and be happy), and it all made me sit and ponder for literally, hours. HOURS people, of sitting and thinking about my future, my family, my mental stability, my past choices, my whole LIFE. just sitting and thinking about it. You should try it sometime, it's amazing what you find out about yourself when you really dig deep.

I just can't put into words what I've been thinking and going through. So, hopefully I don't sound like I've completely lost it. I'm still sane.
I think.


  1. well, as sane as you ever were right?

    Girl's night was a blast, and I hope you come up with a solution to the mom issue... moving out helps a lot, but its not really doable right now, I know. I'm sorry bout all that...

    Keep your chin up. And your bow... You play beautifully. I miss that feeling SO much. Damn my lost horn...

  2. I miss playing too...... :( I work right next to riverton music... i went over the other day and almost had a nervous breakdown when I saw a bass...

  3. oh... and your mom is crazy

  4. I really liked the "exploding mother of darkness" bit... made me think of my mom...