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I just got back from the dentist. Can you say, "NO CAVITIES!!!!!" woot.

I wonder if the people in a dentists office realize how much humiliation they put you through in less than an hour. More than would normally take a couple months to rack up my humiliation meter. First, they have you sit a chair that is covered in plastic wrap with makes any part of your body not covered in clothing sweat like you're in a sauna.

Second, they lay the chair back so far, you feel like your body will slide off to the floor in one fluid motion. The only thing holding you on is the friction of your sweat against the plastic wrap and you holding onto the handles of the chair for dear life. All while trying to acheive non-sliding motions, you open up wide and voluntarily let someone make your gums bleed with a pointy metal instrument of torture and string they call "floss" wedged deeper than you thought humanly possble for your gums to handle.

And now the climax of our visit, as if the sharp metal objects weren't causing enough pain, they now spray your teeth with cool water and stick a vacuum in your mouth. Suddenly it feels like I've stuck an ice cream on my most sensitive front teeth and left it there for 5 minutes, while my cheek is being suctioned up a tube and I don't know if I'll get it back anytime soon. And who knows how many cancerous cells are forming in my face and brain while they do the routine six x-rays. Isn't that much radiation kind of....ya know.....BAD for you? And we are supposed to go to the dentist two times a year for this kind of exposure?

Really though, it wasn't that bad. Exaggeration runs in my family. My dad had me and my siblings brushing our teeth, flossing, and rinsing with mouthwash since we were about 5. The flossing really keeps any plaque and cavities at bay. I've only had 3 cavities my whole life. My brother Randy only 1. You know the grinding feeling of the tooth polisher against your teeth that makes you want to gag? I've become accustomed to it ever since I started using an electric toothbrush. In reality, the dentist has become a boost of self esteem for me. I always get compliments on my teeth from the dentist and the assistants. I was in and out in less than 45 minutes.

Not bad for someone who used to consider breaking a bone rather than go to the dentist when I was little. We all grow up a little I guess.

At least I got a free toothbrush!