BECKSTREET

I thought I would write yesterday, but their were new episodes of Chuck online. I love this show. Chuck is hilarious. And hot. Good show.

Tonight we bought Sesame chicken from China Town wok and I made stir fry for dinner. Turned out quite good. Now if I can just remember what I put in it so I can repeat it in the future.

My dad is speaking in church tomorrow. Lately it's been quite the chore going to church. We even start later for the new year. I don't know. It just seems life is still at a stand still before I decide what to do with it. Tonight I saw a cheerleader from Cyprus at Smiths. She was a Senior when we were sophmores. Can't recall her name, but it made me think, "what is everyone else doing with their lives after high school?". Tony's post also brought on some deep thinking. Toni married and a gorgeous baby. Michelle almost done with school and out on her own. Joe a phlebotomist and out on his own. Tony out on his own, school, working. Moving on it seems. Why can't I?

Thursday it was our group's turn to clean the church. Same time as a young single adult pod(multi-stake) activity. Lots of my friends were there. Sis. Broadbent saw me when I came in and wanted me to go in. She tried like 5 times. Normally, I would have been early to an activity like that. Not now. It's like I'm done with all that crap. It's not even crap, just done is all. Tomorrow I will go to church. more sympathetic talks from people who are trying to help. It's okay people, I'm workin gon going back. Now back off. I have to get counseling first. Yay. My sister got depressed on her mission, they put her on meds. She said it was like her emotions were numb. How could feeling numb possibly get you out of feeling depressed? Shouldn't you feel the depression and get over it by overcoming the problem causing it? Maybe a counselor would know what I mean or how to help. I just can't help trying on my mission clothes, reading the spanish book of mormon, looking at the mission website. How could I go to school, work, move out if I may go back in a week, month, year?

I'm going to get the counselor's number tomorrow and call monday. I'm sick of this. Like it says on Toni's blog, "A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step". Just my step is ten feet tall and on the other side of a piranah infested lake of lava.

New topic.

It's late. I guess I'll run to bed now.